Who I am now, hates Who I been

My head was full of lies, thoughts and confusions,
praying to God to wake me up, Lord is this an illusion?"
Been blinded by the world's view, I thought I lost my vision.
Temptations at the door, how do I make a decision?
Knock and the door will be open,
is this how it is? Man, you gotta be jokin'.
I'm in pain from situations, and silence has spoken.
I'm down on my knees, I call it humility.
I been on my feet for so long, that was the pride in me.
Now I'm saying, Father, search me, and find that I'm not at my best.
So many times I have failed, when I was put to the test.
Never thought that I hurt you, or even denied you.
When it seems prayers not answered, whats a sinner to do?
I wanna trust that you're here, right by my side.
I wish I was with you, when you took the Cross and you died.
I could have been somewhere, smoking weed and drinkin',
lustin' after your creation, thru deeds and thinkin.
See I might be floating, but I can't stand the thought of sinking.
I need to believe you are Lord, even when I'm tipsy and reaking.
No one understands me, your Word says you know every thought.
Before I sit and lay down,
Why can't you direct my walk?
I feel a bit like Paul, in Romans with sin,
I wanna do right, but wrong happens again and again.
At Sundays at Church, there's a battle within,
because last friday, I was out mixing o.j. and Gin
It's a spiritual Roller Coaster, and Im sick to my Spirit,
Times up, games over, its time for change and I feel it.
Broken heart, war wounds, Lord, I need some healing.
You say You will take me as I am, but I need some deliverance.
Time to clean it up, Lord Im down for obedience.
You're the perfect one, the Sovereign God you are.
Me? My deeds are filty rags, I'll never be at par.
That tells me I need you, and that's the best start.
Man looks at the outter appearance, I know you look at the heart.
Search me Father. For Your love seems so far.